I got a 100 on mostly every essay in English last year, with the exception of the first two where i got 95’s because i was still adjusting to the teacher’s likes.
I love to write, i am a great writer, i know this. My English average has always been a 98, my favorite class and my best average.
This year, i have a really hard teacher who takes no nonsense from anyone. She also grades harsher than last years teacher.
So when my friends were all talking about the in the 90’s grade they received on their essays, i though, great, i’m a better writer than they are, so i’ll get a good grade too.
It’s 6th period, and i check parent portal, the website where our grades are, and i see an 80 as my essay grade, dropping my average to a 93.
This is not possible. I promptly try and fight tears, but then the bell rings, and lo and behold, English is my next class.
I’m very angry with the teacher, at myself, and at everyone.
I’m also trying to fight tears.
At the very end of class, the freaking teacher pulls me outside with my essay and asks if i’m ok.
Do i look freaking ok? No! The worst thing you can ask someone who’s fighting tears is if they’re ok, because then they’ll start crying all over you. That is the theme of this story, remember it.
She shows me my grade and starts talking about why i got an 88.
Wait, what!????? I got an 80 i thought. Then i start sobbing, i have no idea why, and apparently, i got 12 points off because my thesis wasn’t specific enough. Understandable, but 12 points!!!??? Honestly, this has been my lowest essay grade throughout high school and even middle school. Frustration.
My English teacher clearly is an idiot because she takes me back into the classroom, a sobbing mess, and hands me tissues. The bell for 7th period has rung by now, everyone is filing out and staring at me crying.
To make it worse, i decided to wear mascara today and i had it running down my face.
So the teacher logs into her account and tells me that the grade is an 88, not an 80.
But i did see an 80, and so did my mom.
Frustration.
Then the bell rings again. I’m officially late for 8th period and still sobbing for no reason.
The teacher refuses to give me a pass because she has a no pass policy.
I’m trying to calm down as i’m about to enter my math class, when a senior who i have a club with says hi to me.
I turn around, he asks me what’s wrong…and i start sobbing all over again.
Ugh, great, i walk into math a little calmer now…and realize we have a substitute. And she’s the bitchy 80 year old English teacher that everyone hates (not my English teacher, another one)
I walk up to her, put my backpack on my desk and tell her my name and that i’m here.
She looks at my red and blotchy face and FREAKING ASKS ME WHY I’M LATE.
I can’t tell her of course because i start sobbing again. The class was doing group work, and not paying attention to me, so i quickly ask to have a minute outside, and grab the tissue box and run outside into the hallway.
I blow my nose and try to calm down when the freaking substitute walks out and tells me that i can’t sit outside alone and that she has to send me to guidance or the nurse in a minute.
She goes back inside and i want to punch her. I start crying even harder and another teacher walks by and asks if i’m ok.
I say i’m fine.
She says she knows and asks if i wanted to go to guidance.
I say yes.
She goes to get my books from the classroom and walks me down the social office where i have a complete breakdown for the rest of the period and cry.
The bell rings for 9th period then, and i’m still shaky, but i have a test next period…
I don’t go and spend the rest of the period calming down and basically having a therapy session, great.
Now i’m home typing this up. My mom just called me. I’m crying again.
I’m not crying anymore.
My face is disgusting.
It’s all red and all of my makeup rubbed off.
I don’t know what happened today.
I’m grateful to the random teacher in the hallway who knew what to do without causing a scene and sparing me from walking back into the classroom and facing my classmates and the bitchy sub.
I don’t know why i was crying. I think it was the shock of the original 80.
Or maybe i’m being too hard on myself. My overall average is still a 94. I’m just disappointed it’s not higher.
(P.s My English teacher called my mom. Great. That’s probably why my mom called me) 😦
The only good part was what i got in the mail just now:
But i’m not going to read them because i have to study for two AP tests this weekend and i can’t have these amazing books distracting me.
So yeah, overall, i’ve had a pretty shitty day and i’m so stressed out and only in 10th grade so it’s only just going to get harder.
I’m really grateful to the social worker person who talked me through it today.
Bye.
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